This weekend was supposed to be stressful..I planned on it being stressful..It was stressful..But its quieter now

My concert was friday and saturday and it went well. It went well despite the fact that i wished the artistic director would take one to many steps backwards and fall off the stage. Katie's transgender coming out story was pure inspiration and im glad and proud to call her friend. Charlotte's coming out story made me laugh and smile and feel honoured to work with a woman who after 50 years and being in an opressive marriage had the courage to tell the world she is gay..My love Ben picked me up Friday and we spent the remainder of the evening wrapped up in blankets and sheets kissing and being close to each other..

Saturday things took a turn. As Ben and I drove to my aunts' house for Ellen's memorial service he received a call from his mother that his grandmother had been rushed to the ICU and was given a 50/50 chance of making it through the day..We fought every form of traffic delay to get him back to the apartment to get his dufflebag so he could hurry home to be there should she die..I kissed him and told him to call me and keep me updated on her condition and walked into jane's house with 100 perogies and a pack of camel lights for my dad..I get to the backyard right as the memorial service is ending and see my dad and apologize for being late and burst into tears...i didnt get the chance to share my memories of ellen with my family and all of her relatives on the other side of the family (the heitmans who btw are pretty cool and like my aunts cookies and my perogies!)

I went up to my uncle larry (ellen's dad) and gave him a huge hug and apologized for being late..We talked a little and I informed him that i had found an organization called N.A.M.I which helps families deal with loved ones suffering from mental illness and was going to give to them yearly in honour of ellen..we talked about random things before excusing myself to see other aunts and cousins. I found Steve off to the side and wandered over to his side to say hi. Dianne wasnt to far behind which of course when i hugged her she asked about ben which made me burst into tears..i told them what happened and of course being my family and knowing that i do truly love this boy were all "we'll keep good thoughts in our heads"

I finally found Laura (ellen's sister) in the house with my mom and hugged her fiercly telling her how sorry i was..I inquired about David (her brother) and was told he wasnt here because of his new job and them being a dick about him taking off time..its understandable..he's in colorado..its a far drive for him....we talked..she smoked..we ate....I still hadnt found the one person i was looking for. I hadnt found Marybeth. I finally saw her standing by the table where photos of ellen were laid out and i walked up to her. I told her that my favorite memory of ellen hadnt happened yet. I wanted to get to know her as an adult since as a child we hardly saw one another. The sadness in my aunts eyes made her seem years older then she already was..you should never have to bury a child..it changes you...it ages you

we talked and cried and held each other close..i told her if she needed anything to call on me regardless of how trivial it was because though she's busy now..she's occupied now with the details of the services there will be a time when she's not busy and she'll feel the pain again..i didnt want her to be alone.

i left a few hours later and went to the charis concert which in my heart i dedicated to ellen and to billy. Strong Beautiful Woman was ellen's mantra..She was a strong beautiful woman who in a moment of extreme weakness did a horrible thing. Do we forgive her? Yes because we dont know what led her to do it. I rocked my solo with the flair that would have made both Billy and Ellen proud...

No real updates on ben's grandmother..they went to the hospital last night because the stated she was unresponsive and had low blood pressure...He's not on at the moment..sent him a text for an update..he feels bad about missing the memorial and the concert..there will always be more concerts and unfortunately there will always be more memorials too..he needs to make nothing up to me..i love you baby (if you are reading this)..thank you for the past 7 months..i know they have been difficult. i've been difficult to deal with a large majority of that time but you are so....yeah....i love you)

I will no longer be singing with the chorus after this concert. Why? Its because of the new artistic director. I had an emergency that called for my attention last night which needed to be immediately taken care of so i had to miss a technical rehearsal for the concert. I show up tonight for dress and was told that when it was announced that i would not be there did she know and she said yes and thought it was bullshit. Im sorry miss director if my life comes before singing with a bunch of women. I'm sorry if I miss some rehearsals due to personal illness and the fact i've had to bury two people i love in the past week or the fact that a year ago my mother was ill so i didnt sing in a concert. I'm sorry if i value my family more then the chorus...this saturday is my cousin ellen's memorial service and i told her i would be late but still at the concert. her response showed anything but compassion at the tragedy my family has had to endure. but my family is my family..my blood and my heartbeat..she is someone that i gave $60 for to pay for her salary..so thank you miss director..you killed a true joy in my life by your complete lack of respect for me as an adult and as a person who is grieving..fuck you

and his life is summed up in 6 lines

Man, dog die in mobile home fire

A 35-year-old man and his dog were found dead after a fire in a mobile home Sunday morning.

Olive Branch Police Chief Art Heun said William Draper was found dead in a mobile home at the Candlelight Trailer Park after a fire was reported in the trailer at 11:05 a.m.

Draper lived alone in the trailer. The trailer park is at 8544 Caroma, west of Miss. 305.

DeSoto County Coroner Jeffery Pounders said an autopsy has been ordered.

Neither Heun nor Pounders knew how the fire began.



I am lighting a candle for you billy

As children we fought over who was better who was smarter. As children we laughed over silly little things. As children we cried when we lost the ones we held dear to us. Now i cry alone for you. I wish I got to know you better. You are family and blood. Despite all the horrible things we may have said to each other as children I am sorry. For all the holidays we shared they were not enough. For the moments of sadness we endured I'm glad I had you there with me. May God keep you safe. May God keep you warm. May God remind you that you are loved and will be forever.

I wish I got to know you better E. The last time we saw your bruises were healing and you were timid and shy. I wish i knew what made you think that this was the only way out. I hope you felt no pain. That you did not suffer. What was happening in your life that made you think you had no other way then to end it yourself. I promise to look after your mom and dad and your brother and sister. I dont just see this as I lost my cousin but I lost the chance to be friends with you.

I will miss you E. <3

I remember Dave telling us this story when we were kids..holy shit..good times

I DONT GET IT!!!!!!

Possibly one of my most favorite chimps at the zoo has passed away. Our naked chimp Cinder...You were adored by many :(

Cinder The Naked Chimp

I'm sure many of you have heard about the woman in california who popped out 8 babies and already had 6 children..Wow grand total of 14 little spawns. Okay here is my rant

This woman is unemployed and living off the system
She is getting 3 SSI disability checks for 3 of her children
She made a website asking for assistance to raise her baseball team of spawn..

Im sorry i believe this woman is irresponsible and unfit..It annoys me that there are people out there who think they can just pop out baby after baby after baby and then expect the tax payers to pay for them..Yeah no....I think its every woman's right to reproduce but they should limit it to the number that they can provide for and she cant provide for 14..she couldnt provide for 6..*sighs*

No More 4 Joo!

And here is why.....

my department got bad news today. one of our physicians Dr Abdullah Nassief died suddenly last night while playing soccer..i feel bad for the university and our stroke patients..i feel bad for krissy who was his secretary for 6 years..i feel sad for his young sons who will only have stories to hear of how wonderful their father was and how he paved the road for treatments to help better the lives of our patients while they recovered or didnt..its just a sad day

So i totally enjoy my job..Friday I had claim edit training with a cool trainer who bantered with me about sushi and how she is now going with her kids instead of going eeeeew!!!!..The weekend was filled with reading, random tv background noise, waiting for the cable repair guy and questing

I came home Thursday to find my internet not working..Thinking my modem had died i called and set up an appt for a tech guy to come get his crap and give me a new one..2 days later tech guy shows up and no my modem is fine..i had been the victim of internet terrorism..someone cut my cable line..shifty neighbors!!!..so for 2 days i read..i read twilight..good book..i enjoy very much...reading make sentences not complete..*grunts* fire

So they get that fixed and spencer and I romp happily thru the game of WoW getting elders for the lunar festival achievement..ben was at family celebrating his grandmother's birthday so i wanted to be around people instead of being anti-social..plus spencer is a pretty nifty dude..we finally get our title at about 2 am sunday morning..i literally pass out while swapping toons..log out of vin and thought i hit log in on al but no i hit the night night button on myself..fell asleep in my chair


Sunday was running around the lowbie area doing rep questing..i am so close to getting my ambassador title..got my mechano chicken all 8 of them..will be getting the other mounts soon to add to my collection..got my cobra from my egg this week (yay me!)..so yeah it was a wow filled weekend..weekend went by way to quickly but that happens i guess when after 7 months you actually have to leave the house..going to grab breakfast and freeing up this kiosk..ta ta

woke up to pee and see who called me..blew my nose..read lj..looking at ben in bed with shy're at his feet in a coma....going back to bed

So Ben surprised me this weekend by showing up at my apartment around 6ish on Friday. He had only been gone since Monday but it has felt a lot longer..Maybe it was all the training and running around i was doing at the university last week or maybe its the fact that i miss him a lot when he's gone. Needless to say it was a lovely surprise to see him at my front door. Also to have him warm my bed this weekend.

This week has been a great week. My first official full week at Wash U was filled with orientation, benefit information and a tb shot. Wednesday had to be my most favorite day last week with the exception of Friday because I was at the west campus doing my IDX navigation training. As i walked into the door i was pleasantly surprised to see Sekisui Pacific Rim on the first floor. Oh yeah, sushi for lunch..mmmmm..Training started and broke for lunch, $12.00 later i was eating my most favorite thing on the planet and loving every wasabi burning moment of it. Went home in the blistering cold to finish up my week in even colder more blistering weather.

This weekend has been a relaxing one for me and Ben. Friday we went to target and schnucks and got things needed for the weekend. Oven mits, cough drops, sushi kit and such. Came home to an almost perfect 10 man naxx run only to have someone die to iceblock on KT *le sigh*..Saturday we bummed around the apartment before running to Chesterfield for lunch and stopping at World Market. We picked up a nice set of porcelain measuring spoons, an oyster shucker, chopsticks and dipping bowls and a large bamboo bowl.

Today was filled with laundry and more laundry. We finally got home a couple of hours ago and spent a good part of 2 hours preparing what we'd need for our sushi. Ben had cured a lovely side of salmon on Friday so all that was needed was to slice it thin and make the rice. First batch of rice? Yeah didnt work..to soft and liquidy..2nd batch was a lot better..So we made sushi and omg so good..so tasty..wow that wasabi does have a tendency to sneak up and slap you upside the head. Having a really nice wheat beer from Schlafly's and I made an open topped mini cherry pie for Ben and I to share. So w/o further adeu..I give you.. ( Sushi )

So this is an email from my aunt Jane in regards to my new employment at Wash U


Now! Take a deep breath and go for it. Your work history shows not staying in positions very long so I want you to stop and think real hard here! You landend a GREAT position with a GREAT institution! Be proud of that and work like you are proud of it and behave/act like you're proud of it and dress/present yourself like you're proud of it! Any job or place of work will have it's sticky moments. Just stick it out and work thru them when/if they happen. (I'm trying to listen to my own preaching here, too!) With any luck, you'll retire from this institution! WAY TO GO BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Hmmmm...wow this was like a congrats with a slap upside the head at the same time. My work history doesnt show me staying in positions long? Okay i worked for the Y for 6 years. I worked for St Johns for 5 years. I've been out of highschool for 13 years. Thats 11 years total at 2 jobs..so how is that me not staying at a job for long? Yeah i worked at fast food right out of school but who doesnt? And who stays there? *sighs* i love how she is just pointing out my flaws when yeah grrrrrrrr


So...First day of work..Started at 6:30 with me grumbling as i got out of bed..not that i had to go to work but that i was waking up that early..it was sick early topped off with me not sleepign really well and waking up constantly to the andy griffith theme song....So i get to work about 45 minutes early and its wicked fucking cold outside..Grab breakfast from the hospital cafeteria and was like dreading seeing my aunt because well yeah..she's a bit of a handful..I got upstairs and was introduced to everyone. Did my HIPAA training, filled out payroll information and then sat down with Krissy to start learning the basics of the job. it was interesting though not really informative but they said that they would have formal trainings for me. Went to lunch with my awesome Jack Sparrow lunch box!..Talked to my friend Chris and got mad at him for doing something super stupid and dangerous and told him i was going to beat his fucking ass. Went bacck and worked till 4:30. Got home so unbelievably tired and was called by chris saying he was going to the hospital *grrrrrrr*..i am doing dishes now and straightening up because ben is gonna be here over the weekend..i cant wait to see my baboo..we're gonna go winter clothes shopping cause its supposed to be wicked cold next week..and to celebrate we're going to go have sushi on saturday..i just want to curl up in bed with him for the first time since i lost my job and not fuss over the fact that im spending money on groceries or that we're going out and he's paying for everything..he's so proud too..so so proud

what sucks is the fact that starting tomorrow i have to get up at 7 am to go to my job..i got the job *inhales*...i am getting a paycheck *exhales*...i got the job *inhales*...wow..I GOT THE JOB!

So yesterday i got a callback from Wash U for the job interview i had last tuesday..It was to set up a follow up meeting/interview with the directer of the neurology dept *claps*..So at 9:30 i go in for it..and as luck would have it it is a little icy outside so as i skated across the street to get my clothes from my dad this morning i was like pls god dont let me fall pls pls pls..i didnt..im gonna go grab a shower and get ready in a few minutes..i is excited :)




[edit: 10:44 am]: Just got home from the interview. Was 45 minutes early desipte the ice which i slipped and fell on twice..ouch my butt..but i think i did well. Went in confident after chatting it up with a few of the residents that were there for some sort of mass neurology resident intern gathering..was called in for my interview got a thumbs up and gave Mr Giantinoro my resume packet (black gloss pocket folder with business card slot and pen) and we sat down for a 30 minute interview. Insert tickle in throat cough cough clear and it was over..He tells me after showing me the break down of the neurology dept that he has one more candidate to talk to and that they will be making their decision shortly. i have a 50/50 chance at this job. I hope i get it....i really want this job

So today I had an interview at Wash U for an insurance collector position. I showed up about an hour early because well..yeah thats what i do. It was very easy to find the building as it was across the street from the metrolink stop at the BJC campus (so so very close to home). I went up and was expecting a reception area but did not find one and was told by one of the researchers to go right in. I introduced myself to Shiela and was escorted to a large conference room to wait while she checked her emails and calls. She came and got me and we began our interview. I think it went very well. She and the person I'd be working with Tara began telling me about the position and what I'd be responsible for. It basically would be a senior type position instead of a regular insurance rep position which was good to know. Does not seem to be to difficult and I am looking forward to learning their systems. I feel positive and should hopefully hear something back in a week or so. Keep those fingers crossed people.

Checked my unemployment claim and nothing else has been processed. I will be checking back on Friday because of the holiday and will also be calling them to find out if they are going to be backdating all the claims that were rejected prior to the appeal. I would think they would but you never know

I have a horrible headache that wont go away. its hiding behind my left eye and made taking a nap very very difficult. I hope it goes away soon

I so love my icon. Shy're is so photogenic and i love it when he sticks his tongue out at me when i take his picture

9:30 Tomorrow: Wash U School of Medicine: Job interview!